Lobster Bisque and the French Revolution

In 1786, when the French people were starving and beseeched their queen to help them, she laughed and said, “Let them eat cake!” Now, let’s fast forward a mere three hundred and twenty years, to 2006. The people of Gallaudet are starving intellectually, hungry for academic excellence and integrity. They are pleading to the administrators, who are replying, “Let them eat earth juice!”

Bullshit, both figuratively and literally. My heart aches as I try to make sense of all of these events at my alma mater. We could do well to learn from our history, as after all, those who do not remember history are condemned to repeat it. In 1789, the good people of France had finally had enough, and revolted furiously, seizing the Bastille on July 5th. The rallying cry was, “Liberte, egalite, fraternite, or la mort!” Translated roughly, it means, “Liberty, equality, fraternity, or death!” In 2006, the good people of Gallaudet had finally had enough, and revolted furiously, seizing the Hall Memorial Building on the night of October 5th. Their unifying cry is, “Unity for Gallaudet.” We all know what happened next with the French Revolution. The people turned on their queen and the rest of the royalty, and they met gruesome deaths with the guillotine.

Now, what exactly caused this protest besides the obvious starvation of the people? According to our old friend Wikipedia, there were many causes. One of the major causes was a poor economic situation, which was caused by excessive spending of the royal family. Also, there was widespread resentment of royal absolution and censorship. The royal family had a royal failure when dealing with these issues. At Gallaudet, the revolution was caused by factors that seem eerily parallel with the factors of the French Revolution. Let me explain a little bit, to those of you who may not have been as privy as I am to certain documents and sources of information, why this is so.

Let’s start with the night of the 5th. Dr. I. King Jordan had his retirement gala scheduled for this evening. There was an active protest going on before this gala was to start. The Board had been warned that if they did not take action by 10 pm, drastic measures would be taken. Instead of trying to solve the problem before it reached a boil, they chose to party down at King’s shindig. Wow, what a party it was! The chairs in the conference center were deemed not good enough, and they brought in gold-trimmed chairs to give the event a little more sparkle. The soup was lobster bisque, and there was unlimited wine. A piano was played in one corner of the room.

Every single penny of this excessive event’s funds came directly out of the coffers of Gallaudet University. Nobody who went paid a dime out of their own pockets. There were large posters of King in his heydays plastered outside, and since I wasn’t invited, I’ll just have to guess, probably inside as well. As the protesters shivered in the rain, the Board got drunk on Gallaudet’s dollar. At the end of the party, everyone who went got a piece of Linda Jordan’s pottery. This is just a guess, but I doubt she just gave away all that pottery. I wouldn’t be surprised if she charged the University a few bucks per piece, which they then gave away to the attendees.

This gala is not the beginning, nor is it the end of excessive spending by the administration. The Axis of Evil, also known as Paul Kelly, Jane Fernandes, and I. King Jordan, all have personal credit cards, and guess who foots the bill? You got it! The university! The physical plant department employees have said they have been called more than once to repair things and do landscaping work at the private residences of the Axis of Evil members. Paul Kelly has often been seen using the campus gas station to fill up his car. There are so many examples of blatant abuses of power and misuse of University money that it is just appalling and reprehensible.

I have one experience with Jordan that I would love to share. I took an honors class, and at the end of the semester, we were taken out to lunch with Jordan and his wife, as well as some other VIPs (if I recall correctly, the president of the Salk Institute was among them, yes, the cochlear implant advocate that doesn’t sign, plus two on-duty GIS interpreters). The lunch was beyond amazing. We had about 4 or 5 courses, and the food was unbelievable. I later found that the restaurant was among the most expensive Italian places in Washington DC. This was all paid for by the University.

It disgusts me to put two and two together and to realize that Jordan eats like this every day. He basically lives a life of complete luxury, which is funded by the University. I thought he was a nice guy, but now that I realize how much money he must have socked away in his underwear drawer, I finally understand. Anyone would be nice with that much money to their name. I’ve never met any mean millionaires, have you? If he was nice, he would have paid for our meal instead of letting the University pick up the tab!

Oh no, that’s not all either! Jordan used to own a few properties in NE DC, and those properties, according to the tenants, were slums. Rats and roaches were rampant, the houses weren’t up to code, and the pipes leaked. They do not meet ADA guidelines (such as flashing lights for the door and smoke alarm), and he has been reported in the past to the DCHA for violations. Most of those tenants were international students, and the rents they paid weren’t what they should be, either. That hits below the belt, really… taking advantage of international students’ naivety with American currency to line your own pockets. Why not just rent them the places for free and do something philanthropic for the community? Jordan sold these houses for more than $400,000 each according to the DC housing records, and had bought them in the early ‘90s for less than $80,000 each. Like his salary isn’t enough (he’s the highest-paid university president in America).

Now, I think you should be able to understand a little better exactly why the Gallaudet community is so angry. The administration treats the community like peons, abusing them and living well off of their blood, sweat, and tears. We have had enough. King Jordan will be gone in December, but we must get rid of Queen Fernandes who will carry on his legacy of excessive spending, royal absolutism, and censorship. We are just like the French before the revolution. Shit is literally beneath our noses, while our administration feasts on lobster bisque. Bring the guillotines out, before it is too late.